Dumbass Sayings: “Just Do It”

What a horrible drunk
driving slogan.

The famous Nike slogan is “Just do it”, but do they even realize that their slogan is the perfect argument to the saying “Say no to drugs”? If every kid on Earth adopted this slogan as their life’s motto, there would be dead children everywhere. “Just do it” is the exact opposite of what we try to teach people in life. You don’t just do things, you have to stop a second to think “Should I really be doing this?” and “How will this affect myself and people around me?” Then once you answer those quick questions if the answer are “Yes” and “It’s fine” then you go ahead and “Do it.” If someone walks up to you with a live penguin and says “Hey use this as a dildo.” If you listen to Nike you’re going to end up in a hospital and possibly jail for animal cruelty. If you just think for two seconds “Should I really be doing this?” NO. The answer is no. You leave the zoo, you report the zookeeper who approached you, and you wait until he’s fired before you go back there ever again. It’s not difficult.

Dumbass Sayings: “Failure IS An Option”

How about instead of giving failing
students an F you give them a
slice of Domino's instead.

Domino’s Pizza’s has crossed the line with their new slogan “Failure IS an option.” I think we’ve all had enough of these self deprecating commercials. Every commercial they do features a corporate leader saying “We’ve had so many things go wrong here that we have to be improving!” You can’t act like this when you make food. You can’t talk about all your past conceptual failures like the “Cookie Pizza” and say you’re not scared to make the same mistakes then unveil a new shitty product like chicken with cheese sprinkled on top. That’s like saying “Our new items usually suck, but TRY THIS ONE!” What kind of reverse psychology bullshit is this? “From the makers of the cookie pizza comes our latest affront to human digestive health!” The only reason this advertising works is because people who eat Domino's are 10 times out of 10 stoned out of their mind and the Papa John’s guy looks like a scary human Elmo to them.

Failure is NOT an option in the food industry because if you fail you can make a lot of people very sick. Granted, it’s the people who thought eating Domino’s was a good idea in the first place, but that’s still irresponsible. Who the hell wants to eat food made by people who believe “Failure is an option.” That’s possibly the most disconcerting thing anyone could say to you before handing you a plate of food. When someone is feeding you, you want them to say something like “You’re gonna really like this!” or “We worked very hard to make this meal special!” not “Just so you know, failure is an option for us.” It’s a good thing failure’s an option for Domino’s because they seem to have exercised that option with their new slogan.