Pope Benedict XVI's Lasting Legacy

Say what you want about Pope Benedict XVI, the bottom line is he's an impressive dude. I defy anyone else to wear that big ass pope hat that's two meters high covered in all sorts of jewels and decorations when you're 85-years-old. I tried putting a Lincoln stove pipe hat on my grandma the other day and her neck just melted forward and the hat fell right off. That was a Lincoln hat! That's like 5 times less mass than a giant pope hat.

And this guy doesn't just wear that monster hat, he actually moves around with it and holds a giant scepter as well! I can see why someone would want to retire from that, it must be incredibly draining on the body. Then on top of all that they make him walk up like eighty stairs to board planes. He's the Pope! Shouldn't he be carried up there or something? Then before he gets on board he turns around at the top and waves. How dangerous is that! Imagine if he slipped and fell down a hundred feet of airplane steps. It was a possibility, but he managed to board and exit giant pope planes without a single real incident. For that, he deserves everyone's respect.

What Will Pope Benedict Do Next?

Now that Pope Benedict has given his two week notice, everyone's asking "What's Benny gonna do next?!" Is a reality show in the works? He's the first Pope to quit in several hundred years so his excuse about being too old may be a cover. The whole point of being Pope is to be too old. Did you see the last guy?

A lot of people are speculating that Benedict is addicted to Twitter now. Is it a coincidence that I quit my job shortly after joining Twitter too? Probably, but either way we know Twitter ruins even the holiest of lives. Will the Pope keep tweeting? Does Ratzinger have more 140 character zingers up his sleeves? Time will tell.

Personally I think the Pope will use his new free time to finally explore a gangsta rap career. Perhaps he's been penning phat rhymes this whole time, waiting for the right time to drop an album. That is my hope at least. I'm sure there are many hos eagerly awaiting this as well. Whatever he chooses to do we wish him all the best!