Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are There Gender Double Standards About Underwear?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Women always complain about how men have it better than women, but there are so many sexist double standards that men have to deal with. Why is it when women wear men’s underpants it’s seen as fun and playful, but when my next door neighbor sees me wearing women’s panties she screams at the top of her lungs? Is it because she recognizes they’re hers? -- Dave from Lexington, Kentucky

Dear Dave:

The fact that they’re hers probably doesn’t help… You’re right there is a bit of a double standard there, but it’s somewhat justified. Usually men’s underpants are looser like boxers and women’s underpants are tighter and smaller. So when a man puts on women’s underpants it’s just all kinds of wrong. It’s like stuffing raw chicken in a sandwich bag. No one’s going to want to see that, not even your terrified next door neighbor.

These special underpants draw the urine out into the exterior plastic for easy viewing.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

Dumbass Sayings: “Ladies First”

Just the other day I was walking into a building and some guy held the door open for me and said “Ladies first!” I had a problem with this. The problem wasn’t that he guessed my gender wrong, in case you were wondering. Why the hell would I be offended if someone thought I was a woman? Is it a shameful thing to be a woman? Are women inferior to men or something? The way most men get offended when you think they’re a woman you might assume such a thing. That’s ridiculous. I don’t feel complimented if someone thinks I’m a woman either, I feel nothing because I believe in equality and therein lies my real problem with someone saying “Ladies first.” It’s 2014 and we should all be working toward achieving true equality in all forms including gender. With that in mind, “Ladies first” is some sexist ass bullshit. Women can talk all they want about equality, but if they still take advantage of the archaic gender bias of “Ladies first” then they’re being immense hypocrites. If you’re a woman and some guy holds a door open for you and says “Ladies first” you should look him dead in the eyes and say “Go on ahead, jerkwad. Ladies and gentlemen are equal. If you get to the door first, just walk through the damn thing and move on with your life. It’s a door, you’re not doing me a favor. I’m not a mentally disabled baby with primordial dwarfism, I can open a goddamn door for myself.”

This is the 21st century, you've gotta earn your helmets, ladies. Enough of this free shit.

The Top 5 Jobs Where Men Are Discriminated Against

Women like to talk about how they’re discriminated against in the workplace and the business world is a sexist male driven pigfest, but men experience discrimination in the workplace too! Sure, not as frequently as women and not in as many jobs, but there are are jobs that men can’t even get because they’re dominated by women. Here are the top 5 toughest jobs for a man:

5. Cashier

For some reason most cashiers in America are women. Whenever you see a male cashier at a grocery store or CVS it’s just weird. I think it may have to do with store managers being perverts and hey that’s not all good news for women, but at least they get the job while a man doesn’t.

Men can handle and manage money just as well as women!

4. Cheerleader

If you’re a female cheerleader you’ve got a lot of options in life. Primarily, becoming an NFL cheerleader and practicing your talents on the grandest stage of all cheerleadering. But what does a male cheerleader do? Nothing. They don’t even get to be in the NFL. That’s how discriminatory cheerleading is for men. There’s no way for a man to really make a living in that sexist industry.

Pretty hard to be a cheerleader when you have no feet too.

3. Nurse

The classic “hilarious” job for a man to have has always been nurse. Nurses are traditionally women, but there are plenty of male nurses out there who have to deal with jokes and snide remarks on a near daily basis. We all know nurses are just people who want to be in medicine but can’t be doctors for one reason or another, well why is that exclusive to women? It shouldn’t be!

Well that kinda looks like a man, but it wasn't.

2. Babysitter

Male babysitters are fairly rare because of the sexist bias that people have against them. While it’s statistically true that most child molesters are men, you can’t just assume a man is a child molester because he wants to raise some money by babysitting. I mean it’s likely, but still. It’s wrong to assume like that. Just do your research as you would for any babysitter and stop discriminating!

For some reason people are more comfortable with their kid sitting on the lap of a strange woman than a strange man leaving honest non-molester male babysitters shit out of luck.

1. Maid

The number one worst job for male discrimination has to be maid. Do male maids even exist? When people hire male maids they call them “butlers”. How offensive is that! Imagine if you hired a woman to be a salesperson, but then called them something completely different just because they were a woman. That’s classic sexism, folks. Maybe a guy who’s really good at cleaning in this tough economy wants to get a job as a maid. There’s a good chance he’ll never find a job unless he disguises who he is like “Mrs. Doubtfire”. Is that fair? I don’t think so.

Being a maid is hard enough without being hated on for being a man wearing a bonnet.