The Top 5 Future Apple Products We Just Can’t Wait For

What will be the next big
Apple product we all wait
in line for?

Everyone wants to know what Apple has up its sleeves for the next big technological gizmo that will change the way people waste their time. While these are not official products there’s a decent chance these items will one day exist and everyone here at the Mansion of Mania can’t wait to get their hands on them to review some day! Here are the top 5 most anticipated Apple products of the future:

5. iPod Touch Plus

Everyone loved the iPod and they love the iPhone, but there has to be some product that can combine the two. The iPod Touch Plus will be an iPod Touch but a little bigger and with the ability to make phone calls. It’s everything you love about the iPod with a little bit of the iPhone mixed in.

4. iMac Air

With Apple making larger and larger iPads it’s really only a matter of time before they try to scale down the iMac desktop computer and give it a touchscreen so that it’s more of a desklet (a desktop tablet). The iMac Air would be ideal for people who have particularly large hands or those who want a little bit more screen size than what an iPad Plus has to offer.

3. iEye

The apple digital eyepatch is basically an Apple monocle which is great for hipsters. However because it’s the iEye of course there’s a pirate theme, like aye aye, matey.

2. iPhone Air Plus

People want larger and larger phones, but they still want them to be thin. Basically the ideal phone is quickly becoming something like a sheet of paper. The iPhone Air Plus would essentially be the size of a newspaper but so thin that it can be folded down to be held like a phone then expanded larger to be a portable theater screen.

And the number one Apple product of the future that we’re all waiting for is...

1. iGenitals

It’s only a matter of time until Apple makes its move into the world of sex toys and that day will be a wonderful landmark for mankind. Who wouldn’t want an ergonomic artificial vagina or dildo equipped with Siri and CrotchTime for seamless communication with loved ones?

Ask McFartnuggets: “If Apple Products Are So Good Why Are They Always Updating Them?”

Introducing the new iPod
Plus, now with CT Scan
capability!

Dear McFartnuggets: 

People who use Apple products claim they’re the best because they’re so easy to use and ergonomic and perfect, but if that’s the case why are they always coming out with new ones? Like I understand that you have to progress all the time in business, but people talk about Apple like they’re God and God shouldn’t have to work on improving himself. They’re always coming out with new iPhones that people absolutely have to buy. They’re always coming out with new different sizes of iPads. If their products were so good wouldn’t one be good enough for at least two years? Why would they always keep changing things around? They’re actually coming out with an iPad Air PLUS. So an iPad Air is thinner and lighter than a normal iPad, but that’s not good enough for people so they’re going to make it bigger and make an iPad Aid Plus which may as well be just a normal iPad. Why do these idiots just keep buying this stuff even though it’s basically all the same? -- Stephanie from Baltimore, Maryland

Dear Stephanie:

All the Apple products might seem a little ridiculous, but you have to remember that technology is always making new things possible. Maybe the ideal tablet is the size of a newspaper and just as thin, but right now current technology isn’t able to provide that so they have to incrementally release products that inch closer and closer to that. Maybe in a more sensible world they’d take more time to make greater more efficient leaps in the different models, but since people are willing to pay thousands of dollars for the same thing just a couple centimeters bigger or smaller then it makes business sense to take advantage of that. That’s why you see people with a shopping cart that contains an Apple Watch, an Apple Watch Plus, an iPhone Plus, an iPhone Air, an iPod with added phone capability, an iPhone Nano, and an iPad Air Plus Minus Jumbo Lite. It’s like Mexican food. It’s all just chicken, beef, and pork on a tortilla, but you can arrange that a million different ways all with different names and people will still love it.

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