Ask McFartnuggets: “What’s The Best Way To Quit A Job?”

If you're a postal worker
please quit normally.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I work at Walmart and I hate my job more than anything in the world. All the people I work with are idiots and my manager is a complete jerk. I’m going to quit very soon, but I need to think of a great way to do it so they will remember me forever. Don’t worry, I don’t have a gun or anything. What is something spectacular I can do to quit with style? -- Louis from Cleveland

Dear Louis:

Yeah I don’t know why people always quit by killing people, even if you’re going to be violent there’s no reason to take lives. For example, a perfect way to quit a job is to take a stereo with the Hulk Hogan entrance theme on tape or CD to work. If they have a PA system, play it through that or just turn the stereo up really loud and then kick open the doors pretending you’re Hulk Hogan while the music plays. “I AM A REAAAAL AAMERRRICAAANN!!” Then just go around clotheslining everyone in sight and rip off your shirt and then start doing that thing where you cup your hand to your ear. To me, that’s the best way to quit a job. I’ve only done it a few times, but every time it’s always been very memorable for everyone and it’s funny even to those who get clotheslined because I’m not doing it hard unless I’m on coke, which only happened once and the leg drop doesn’t actually hurt in real life. It hurts you way more because you land right on your ass.

Send questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and good luck with the job search!