Dumbass Sayings: “To Your Health!”

Always touch your glass
to someone else's before
you drink or bad things
will happen.

Sometimes when you’re taking shots of tequila at a bar or drinking from a bottle of whiskey behind a 7-11 people will say “To your health!” Is that supposed to be sarcastic or something? I’m drinking poison that’s going to destroy my liver and then I’m going to go to the local zoo and twerk naked in the gorilla habitat and either be mauled to death or attacked by security and chased by the cops. Does that sound like something that’s advantageous to one’s health? I don’t appreciate being mocked like that. We all know drinking is bad for you, if you’re really concerned about my health you can take away my car keys and lock my unicycle up so I can’t get into any horrible accidents. If you’re going to say “To your health” when drinking alcohol I hope you say it before you take a hit off a crack pipe too. Oh, but you wouldn’t do that because that would be completely silly. Well that’s how silly it seems to me when you say it while I’m inserting a vodka soaked tampon in my ass.