Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Is Texting And Driving Illegal But Texting While Walking Isn’t?”

Friends don't let friends
text and walk.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally knocked into someone who was texting and walking at the same time like a moron. It’s gotten so bad that when I see people texting and walking I will trip them on purpose so they learn their lesson that bad things can happen when you text and walk. I probably save their lives because that warning makes them think twice the next time they text and walk into oncoming traffic or fall into an open manhole. Why isn’t texting and driving illegal when texting and walking is much more dangerous? -- Sandra from Miami

Dear Sandra:

I think you might be going a little far with tripping people. However, you are right about the dangers of texting and walking. I think the only reason it’s legal is for the same reason drinking and walking is. The law gets touchy about things you’re doing in cars because you’re traveling much faster. The thing is, a lot of people do walk pretty fast. The average human walks 3.1 miles per hour, if you’re powerwalking you can get up to around 5.5 miles per hour and that’s dangerous speed. That’s why whenever I need to text and walk at the same time I use a bluetooth and activate a voice-to-text function on my phone. A lot of people say “Hey why don’t you just call someone? Isn’t that the same thing? Isn’t handsfree texting just a phone call?” Uhh, no because I’ve got another person I’m calling. Sometimes I like to text additional people while I’m on a call which makes me sound and look like I’m a schizophrenic lunatic with multiple personalities, but at least I’m not walking head first into someone holding a tray of scalding hot lattes.

Write your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and remember, friends don’t let friends text and walk.