Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Wrong To Read Books While I’m Driving?”

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Dear McFartnuggets: 

I have an hour drive to and fro work each day and I hardly have any time to read so yes I read while I’m on the highway. Sometimes people will honk at me and scream nasty words at me. I think they’re just jealous I’m so good at speed reading. Then just the other day I almost crashed into a highway median which got me to thinking, is it wrong to read books while I’m driving? -- Shane from New Jersey

Dear Shane:

Anything that can be classified as “Distracted driving” is illegal. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing whether it’s texting, writing, eating, shaving, or blowing up your sex doll. Yes, even reading qualifies as distracted driving. It’s really no different than texting except that you’re texting back and forth with Dickens and F. Scott Fitzgerald. Also, reading while going 90 MPH doesn’t count as “Speedreading”, you’re going to end up killing someone.

Write questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and try out audiobooks or something.