Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Does My Neighbor Get Mad When I Let My Dog Fertilize His Lawn?”

No one likes scooping
dog shit out of their garden.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

My neighbor down the street has a beautiful garden on his front lawn and when I’m walking my dog Benji (a bull terrier) fertilize his lawn with nutrient rich feces and urine this guy comes running out screaming at me. I’m doing this guy a favor and this is how he reacts? What the heck is my neighbor’s problem? Doesn’t he know animal feces is a fertilizer? What does he think fertilizer is?! -- Annabelle from Racine, Wisconsin

Dear Annabelle:

Animal feces can be fertilizer, but it first has to be put through a process where it’s mixed with soil to turn it into compost. Without this process the dog shit will damage plants especially vegetables. Depending on the pH level of your dog’s urine, the pee can be harmful too. Plus it’s just not sanitary to have your dog crapping all over someone’s lawn. You don’t know if maybe their kids just got a new slip and slide and put that out and slid right into a giant pile of dog crap. That wouldn’t make me too happy, would it you? Would it you? If anything, bag up your dog’s crap and leave it on their doorstep NOT ON FIRE. Then if they want they can turn it into nightsoil at their leisure. Your heart might be in the right place, but your dog’s shit isn’t.

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