Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Look at a Woman’s Boobs Without Her Seeing?”

This dude has a pretty
decent technique.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

I like looking at women’s boobs when I talk to them except it’s hard to do that because they’re right in front of the woman so she can always see when I’m looking. I don’t want to be disrespectful to the woman’s face or brain, but at the same time I still want to see the boobs. What can I do? Is there any tricks you can teach me to see boobs without the woman’s eyes and brain seeing me seeing her boobs? -- Gordy from Madison, Wisconsin

Dear Gordy:

Yes it can be tricky to stare at women’s breasts. If only they were on their backs that would be so much easier. What I like to do is have a trinket or some distraction device with me in my pocket at all times like a rubber duck or a bike horn. Then if a lady with nice breasts starts talking to me I can take the diversion out and I hold it above her head and wave it around or squeeze it. That will buy you anywhere from a second to a full minute of staring time depending on how dumb she is. Most likely she’ll just look up out of pure shock and surprise as most people would and while that’s not a lot of time, she won’t have any idea you were looking at her breasts. That’s key. If she doesn’t know then what’s the harm? If you’re blatantly staring straight at them while mumbling and salivating, that’s not cool. You don’t want the woman to feel uncomfortable or creeped out. With this method no one gets hurt, everyone wins. It’s kind of the way illusionists work to keep you from seeing how a trick is happening. This is probably how Criss Angel stares at tits all the time.

The trick is to look at them before they start turning into nutsacks.

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