The Top 5 Worst Things To Do During The Purge

The Purge can be a bummer
but you have to remember
it's a necessary evil.

As we all know, “The Purge” is the one day during the year when the American government makes all crime legal for 12 continuous hours. It’s the one day a year the rest of the country gets to act like it’s Chicago. Thousands of people are killed, harassed, attacked, etc. It’s horrific, but it’s necessary. If you’ve got a problem with the purge, write your local congressman. Either way you’re going to have to deal with it and as long as you’re dealing with it you should be aware of the worst things to do on Purge Day. Here are the top 5 things you never want to be doing during the purge:

5. Walk the dog

You have to make sure to walk the dog before the purge. It’s tricky because the purge lasts twelve hours and things start getting pretty hairy for a few hours before it even starts. Just be prepared to have your dog take a dump in your house. It’s a lot better than being stuck outside with a bunch of lunatics killing for sport.

4. Rob a gun store

It’s usually never a good idea to rob a gun store, but even more so during the purge. Yes, you do need guns during the purge, just make sure you have them well in advance.

3. Break into a school

If you’re a child you might think the coolest thing you can do when all crime is legal is break into your school, steal all the exams, set the place on fire, etc. However you must remember that there are adults out there roaming the streets looking to shank people and turn them inside out. It’s really not worth the risk, kids.

2. Run around naked

One of the main things that the law stops people from doing is running around naked. So when you can do whatever you want there’s a great urge to go around exposing yourself in public. The problem is you’re going to have to fend off killers which is pretty difficult to do bare assed naked. You’ve got no places to store any weapons unless you plan to keep a hand grenade up your ass (not recommended).

And the number one worst thing to do during the purge is...

1. Hang out with people from work or extended family

When you’re dealing with people from work or extended family that you only see on rare occasions, there’s a good chance at least one person in the group wants to kill you. Probably for no good reason too. It’s probably something minor you did that you don’t even remember like sleeping with your cousin’s wife or something. Bottom line is you can’t be too safe around these people during the purge.

Someone stole Jeff's lunch for the LAST DAMN TIME.