The Top 5 Cities We’re Glad Buffalo Wings Weren’t Invented

Buffalo wings really
dodged a bullet.

Buffalo wings are a classic, delicious food that are ubiquitous in bars and restaurants all around the world. They their name not because they’re made from buffalo meat, but because the dish was first served in Buffalo, New York. Keeping that in mind, it’s a good thing Buffalo wings were invented in Buffalo because Buffalo is a decent name for a town. There are some really bad ones out there. Who knows how things would have been different if Buffalo wings had sprung up in these cities first:

5. Dildo, Newfoundland

Could you imagine ordering a basket of "Dildo wings" at Hooters? I’m sure that would put those gals in an awkward situation. Lord knows what types of promotional events they’d have to sell more dildo wings.

Personal enjoyment items and food don't always mix.

4. Boogertown, North Carolina

Calling them Boogertown wings might actually seem appropriate if the wings are so spicy they make your nose run, but that’s still pretty gross.

Have some Boogertown wings, wash it down with Cherryville Coke, and brace for all the Gastonia you'll be getting.

3. Condom, France

Condom wings sound more like some weird prophylactic device for people with bird fetishes or something or maybe a male menstrual hygiene product. It’s definitely not the name you want for a food item.

Here's a picture of some French noblemen using condoms as party balloons to impress the ladies.

2. Crapo, Maryland

These would have never taken off. If you walked into a restaurant and saw someone licking orange goop off their fingers, asked them what they were eating and they said “Crapo wings” you’d leave and never come back.

The name would actually be appropriate considering how often folks get diarrhea after eating too many spicy wings.

And the number one place we’re glad didn’t invent Buffalo wings is...

1. Cockburn, Australia

I’m sure if Cockburn had invented Buffalo wings there would have been a lot of urban legends and myths about these weird Australian STD infused chicken wings that caused people’s genitals to catch fire and fall off.

The color of the sign might be the same as the wing sauce, but that's where the similarities between chicken wings and syphilis should end.