The Top 5 Ways to Avoid Getting Ebola

Ebola is no joke, folks.

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about Ebola lately so instead of answer them all individually I’m going to write a list of Ebola tips and tricks. Because you can be infected with Ebola for up to 21 days without even knowing you’re sick it’s very possible this will spread around the world so it’s important to educate people on what they can do to prevent a possible pandemic of this horrible virus. Even if a global spread doesn’t occur during this 2014 outbreak, until we create a vaccine, the Ebola threat will only get more dangerous as the virus mutates and world travel becomes more accessible to people in Africa. Here are the top 5 ways to avoid getting Ebola now and into the future:

5. Don’t travel to Africa.

This seems like an obvious tip, but you’d be surprised how many people still travel to Africa even during an Ebola outbreak. Some people get too comfortable around Ebola. One Ebola doctor was quoted as saying “I would sit next to someone who had Ebola on the bus.” That may have been one of the doctors who ended up with Ebola though so you want to take that with a grain of salt. Also, there’s no negative to being cautious here when you’re dealing with a virus that has a 90% mortality rate.

If you have business to attend to in Africa you might want to wait until the winter.

4. Wear protective gear at airports.

Even if you don’t travel to Africa you still have to be conscious of the risk of getting an infectious disease at an airport. If you can you should invest in an Ebola protection suit to keep yourself completely immune to other people’s bodily fluids.

People might think you look stupid, but who's stupid when you're the only one not bleeding from the eyes?

3. Don’t touch people’s soiled linens.

I’m not sure why you’d ever be touching someone’s soiled linens, but just don’t do it. If you work in a hotel or something you’re pretty much screwed if Ebola breaks out. Ebola is transmitted through bodily fluids and as we all know, bed linens can be saturated in pretty much every bodily fluid known to man.

Treat bed sheets like used toilet paper. You should only touch your own.

2. Avoid people who are sweaty.

Surprisingly enough, one of the bodily fluids Ebola can spread through is sweat. That means you want to avoid anyone who’s sweating profusely and looks like they’re not doing too well. There’s a reason we find sweaty people disturbing and gross, it’s evolution. They say, nothing has ever been gained from hanging around sweaty folks and in Ebola times, that’s never been more true.

Avoid running marathons for awhile especially considering how many of the marathon runners are from Africa.

And the number one way to avoid getting Ebola is…

1. Get a job where you can work from home.

If and when Ebola does finally start spreading across the world you’re going to really want to have a job where you can work from home. All the people getting the disease will be people who work with the general public and have to interact face to face with people. If you work from home you can just order everything you need by Amazon drone and be able to hide away until the virus burns itself out. If you’re really concerned about the idea of an Ebola pandemic or any pandemic for that reason, I would recommend finding a job that doesn’t involve being around walking disease carriers, I mean humans.

All aboard the Ebola wagon!