Dumbass Sayings: “Hide The Salami”

Salami in plain sight.

Sometimes people use the term "Hide the salami" as a euphemism for penile sexual intercourse. Let's stop to think about this for a moment. Who are you hiding it from? The neighbors? Stop having sex on their lawn. This whole business of “Hiding the salami” just doesn’t make sense. When you’re having intercourse you don’t hide the salami and just leave it there. Maybe you do if you’re a weirdo, but eventually you’re going to have to remove it at some point. What most people tend to do is hide and reveal repeatedly so if you’re going to liken sex to any game it would be more accurate to call it “Peekaboo with the salami.” If you want to be even more accurate, “Peekaboo with the mostly eaten Slim Jim.” Because let’s face it... Salami? Have you seen what salami looks like?

Even “Peekaboo” might not be too accurate because when you play peekaboo with a baby you’re hiding and revealing your face, not the actual baby in a vagina or some other hole you're putting it in. The problem with either of these sayings “Hide the salami” or “Peekaboo with the salami” is that they imply a third party is there observing. That 3rd party is the one you’re hiding the salami from or playing peekaboo with. Thus, any intercourse that occurs without an audience cannot be classified as “hiding the salami.”