Dear McFartnuggets:
I heard that if you’re ever driving drunk and you get pulled over, you can take a handful of loose change and stuff your mouthful of pennies and the copper will help you pass the breathalyzer test. Is this a true thing or is it just an old wives tale? I want to know before I try it because if I’m drunk I might could choke to death on the pennies in which case I mine as well just get caught, go to jail and live, right? -- Jalissa from Detroit, Michigan
Dear Jalissa:
No, this is a big misunderstanding. Copper can’t fool a copper. You can’t put pennies in your mouth to get out of being arrested, but you can put PENIS in your mouth (this obviously works a lot better if you’re a woman and even better if you’re an attractive woman.) The breathalyzer isn’t the thing you should be blowing. I think that “Mouthful of penis” was the original advice and somehow maybe through a game of telephone it changed to “mouthful of pennies.” You can see how that might have happened, the two words are very similar in spelling. Maybe a drunk woman did this and wanted to write it down because she knew she wouldn’t remember how she beat the arrest by the time she woke up with a hangover so she scribbled on a piece of paper “How to beat a DUI: Put cop’s penis in your mouth.” But because she was so drunk and her handwriting was awful someone saw that and thought it said “Put copper pennies in your mouth.”
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| Sometimes it helps to practice field sobriety tests at home in your spare time. |
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