The Top 5 Things Dogs Get Away With That Humans Can’t

If you could choose to be any other type of animal besides a human, most people would want to be dinosaur, chimp, or dolphin, but dogs should definitely be higher on that list. In addition to being man’s best friend, dogs also have a lot of advantages that humans simply don’t. Here are the top 5 things that dogs can get away with that people can’t:

5. Eating their own poop

Sometimes dogs like to eat their poop and it never seems to bother them much. If you’re a human who eats shit, you probably get really sick from all the bacteria. Now I’m not saying I’d eat shit if it never made me sick, but it’d be nice just to know if I did happen to get shit in my mouth it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

If you're a dog you can eat pretty much anything except chocolate and onions.

4. Chasing the neighbor’s cat

Dogs love chasing cats around and it’s completely socially acceptable for them to do this. If you’ve ever chased your neighbor’s cat around you know how much people will stare at you. It really hurts your standing in the community because people aren’t sure exactly what’s wrong with you, they just know something is definitely wrong.

Try running like this at your neighbor's pets and see what happens.

3. Sniffing people’s crotches without permission

One major advantage that dogs have over humans is they can just walk up to people and bury their faces in somebody’s crotch. If you try to do that as a person that’s an automatic jail sentence. With dogs, nobody really cares.  

Dogs have a great sense of smell, but they really get up in there anyway.

2. Putting their face in other dogs’ assholes

One of the first things a dog does when they meet a new dog is to put their face in that dog’s buthole. That’s their version of Facebook. You pretty much learn all you need to know about a stranger from their asshole. Sadly, people are usually too uptight for this. We bypass this step and go through a bunch of other ways to figure people out. Dogs cut the shit and get straight to the point.

Sniffing your employer's asshole every day in lieu of a handshake would make you a literal brown noser. 

And the number one thing a dog can do that humans can’t is...

1. They can piss and shit in public

One thing that has to be great about being a dog is you can just piss and shit wherever you want as long as you’re outside. There’s no shame involved. Whenever you feel that urge you let it go. Then someone actually bags it up for you in a little doggie bag like it’s an unfinished portion of a meal at a restaurant and people wonder why dogs eat their own shit? You put it in a goddamn snack bag! Talk about mixed messages!

If only there was a way to transform into a dog before the cops showed up.