Ask McFartnuggets: “Should You Go With The Woman To Get The Morning After Pill?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Let’s say you’re banging the night away with a lady and you realize the condom breaks and are too drunk to stop and you accidentally ejaculate. You find out that the lady doesn’t have any other forms of prophylactics like a diaphragm or birth control pill in her system. The only alternative now is to have her go to the CVS or Walgreens to buy the morning after pill. I’ve heard people tell me that it’s good to go with the lady to the store to buy the pill with her, but I don’t know how I feel about that. I barely know this person, I don’t even know her name, this wasn’t meant to be a relationship. If we go as a couple then it feels like more of a commitment and I’m not looking for that. If I was looking for a commitment then I might consider letting her keep the damn baby so we could start a family. Clearly that’s not the case so why would I go with her? Why pretend like this is a group event when it’s her damn problem? Look, I’m sorry that the condom broke, but to be fair, I didn’t want to use one to begin with! -- Tyler from Baltimore, Maryland

Dear Tyler:

Well, you don’t have to go with her if you don’t know her, but it’s a nice gentlemanly thing to do. I think the rule is, if you’ve never met before and it was your condom that broke then you escort the gal to the nearest pharmacy the same way you would walk a date to their door. If it was her condom that she gave you then you still should go because there’s a chance she sabotaged the condom on purpose in order to get pregnant so she can sell the baby on the Thai black market or god knows what. If that’s the case you want to make sure she buys the pill and takes it in front of you. Ask her to put the pill in her mouth, swallow it and make her stick out her tongue and let you see under her tongue so you know she isn’t hiding it. You might also want to stay with her to make sure she doesn’t throw the pill up right after. Some bitches be crazy like that. Either way, you should always go with her. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out you have a lot in common aside from being people who love sex with random folks that you plan on never seeing again.

Pretty sure a couple of those are Reese's Pieces...

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