Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can You Tell When a Woman is Flirting with You?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Hey one of my biggest challenges in life is that I never know when a woman is flirting with me. I’ll read all the signs I think are signs and then later come to find that she didn’t like me at all and was just being polite. It’s crazy though because I thought when a woman smiles and acts nice it means she likes you. I read in a magazine if they touch their hair then it means they’re flirting. All the times a woman has touched her hair while talking to me I think it’s a sign she’s flirting so I ask her out and she says “No” and acts like I’m crazy for asking. How the hell am I supposed to know when they’re flirting or not? Normal people are supposed to flirt obviously in obvious ways so why do all the women I meet act so mysterious like this? Are these women playing some kind of joke on me or something? -- Wilt from Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Dear Wilt:

Yes, women can be very difficult to read sometimes… I’ve found that just because a woman touches her hair a lot doesn’t mean she’s flirting. A lot of times it can just be a nervous thing that they do if they’re scared, which is obviously sending the complete opposite message. It has to be the right kind of hair touching. If she’s just fumbling with her hair randomly then that might not be flirting, but if she has it stretched out and is petting it like a cat then that’s flirting. When it comes to figuring out if a woman is flirting you need to see aggressive signs. There should be a lot of touching. If she’s touching your shoulders, neck, face, chest, crotch area a lot or pretty much any area of your body then that’s a good sign. You can’t always rely on smiling as a clear cut sign. A lot of times women will smile just to make a creepy guy think everything is okay to avoid agitating him. You have to look at the eyes. If the corner of her eyes are crinkled then she’s smiling with her whole face and not just fake smiling. Also the number one sign you’re going to want to look for is vaginal wetness. Clearly you can’t check with your hand and you don’t want to ask either, but if you happen to notice, you’re all in the clear. Good luck!  

Turning away with a concerned look is flirting, right?

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com