Dumbass Sayings: “When in Doubt, Rub One Out”

Sometimes right before a job interview you still don’t know whether to dress in a full suit or something business casual. While you’re trying to decide what would be most appropriate given the company and the job you’re up for, you remember those wise words “When in doubt, rub one out.” Well that’s horrible advice because before you know it you’re sweaty, exhausted and all you want to do is eat a turkey sandwich and go to sleep. You wake up and see it’s 1:05 PM. You’re an hour late, but you really need this job so you run to the place anyway hoping they’ll understand. You get into a cab and tell the driver to floor it! You run into the lobby of the building and tell the receptionist that you’re there for a job interview with Mr. Maddox. She pages him and lets him know he’s got another job candidate waiting in the lobby. To your amazement she says “Mr. Maddox will see you in his office.” You’re so glad you’re still getting an opportunity you know you don’t want to mess this up. You enter the office and go to shake his hand when you realize you DIDN’T WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER RUBBING ONE OUT. He pulls his hand back sharply, looks at it and sniffs it. He says “My God, what the fuck is this?! Get out of my office!” Now you see why I don’t believe in the phrase, “When in doubt, rub one out.”

I got the one on the far left that way if grandma asks me what it is I can say it's a piggie bank.