Dumbass Sayings: “How Do I Tell This To My Children?”

Whenever something tragic happens like a mass shooting or a next door neighbor is arrested for the murders of eight local prostitutes, some parents ask “How do I tell this to my children?” They have no idea how to explain these types of things to their kids, including things like same sex marriage. The only advice I can give these people is to find a time machine and go back six years in the past and actually use a condom so you don’t have the kid to begin with if this is so challenging. Now it’s totally fine to ask this question to yourself in your head and then figure out the answer, but people who go around in public asking it as a rhetorical question are being fools. Those people are trying to use their own kids as pawns to make a political statement. They’ve already figured out what they’re going to tell their kids. If you don’t agree with same sex marriage you just say “Two evil people are getting married and they’re going to hell because they have the same private parts.” What’s so hard about that? Why do you need to ask people how to explain that? You already know. You’re just whining like it hurts you to say that. Parents never used to openly ask others “How do I explain this to my kids?” Even if they were wrong, they still had a good idea of what to tell their children about controversial topics. Parenting is supposed to be between you and your children. No one ever likes when people tell them how to parent, unless of course they’re asking specific advice on exactly how to parent. That’s a little hypocritical. Just tell the kids what you think they’ll need to hear to make them better people. If you don’t know what that is, then you made a horrible mistake and I doubt you’ll be able to explain foster care to them so don’t even bother with that.

How am I supposed to explain to my children that they're a painting?