Ask McFartnuggets: “Why is the Universe Flat?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 

Today I learned that the universe is flat. What I wanna know is how can that be? We know the Big Bang happened and that exploded everywhere so how could that create something that’s flat? Why is the universe flat? -- Diego from San Juan, Puerto Rico

Dear Diego:

WHOA, slow down Diego. Let’s not go flat shaming the universe here. It’s beautiful regardless of what it wants to do. Some people don’t like the flat look, I get it, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with that. Fact of the matter is, the OBSERVABLE universe is flat. The universe might be flat to you, but that’s only what you SEE. To get the real answers you really need to feel and probe around. Sometimes women’s breasts look smaller or larger than they actually are depending on various circumstances, different bras, clothing, etc. The universe is no different in that regard. Maybe people like you are the reason the universe is expanding and augmenting. Maybe being under all these telescopes is causing the universe to feel self conscious and stressed out so it’s overeating. Maybe if someone just told it that it was beautiful the way it is was, it could live with itself being “flat” and celebrate its natural shape. Also, astronomers don’t even know what they’re talking about half the time. The universe is a mystery to us all. So when they say the universe is flat they mean they can only perceive it as flat, the same way folks in Christopher Columbus times thought the world was flat. Technically the land is flat, but the Earth is not. Could that mean our universe is part of something bigger that we can’t even begin to understand? Maybe.

The universe could be round and voluptuous, we don't know for sure.

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