Dumbass Sayings: “Crying Like a Baby”

When you go to Best Buy and they’re sold out of the specific Blu Ray player you wanted sometimes you feel tears welling up at the inside corners of your eyes. Your lip begins to quiver and you get the overwhelming urge to start screaming. As you’re blowing the liquefied mucus out of your nose, the girl in the blue shirt says “Sir, stop crying like a baby.” Crying like a baby? Have you ever seen a baby cry? That’s NOT how I cry. Babies don’t suck in air rapidly and blow snot out of their nose while holding one nostril shut with their thumb. Also, if I am going to cry like someone I would prefer it be a baby. What’s wrong with a baby crying? It happens all the time. It’s totally 100% normal. Babies are meant to cry, people are used to it. What should I be crying like? A grown adult? Crying like a grown adult is awkward and disturbing to a lot of people. When you see a grown person crying it’s a serious thing. Now if that grown person is “crying like a baby” then there's a little humor involved. If you see an adult sobbing on their back kicking their legs then that’s kind of funny and I would prefer that over weeping like I just lost my wife to a terminal illness. And it’s even worse to cry like an elderly person. Have you ever seen an elderly person cry before? It’s heartbreaking. When you see an old person cry you know it’s serious. You know there are decades of pain behind those tears. So given the choice on how to describe my crying, yeah I guess I’d take crying like a baby. In other words, your insult is ineffective and meaningless to me, blue shirt girl at Best Buy.

Seeing a grown man cry is no treat so we make jokes about it.