Dumbass Sayings: “Pretty Please with Sprinkles on Top!”

Sometimes a woman will ask you a favor and when you stare at her with a blank face she says “Pretty please! With SPRINKLES ON TOP!” Like that’s supposed to entice me and change my mind? Oh I’ll do it, but only if your please is pretty enough! Put lots of makeup on that please and give it stripper glitter, then put it in a nice dress and give it a diamond crown tiara! I ain’t accepting no homely, plain looking please! I want my please to look like it just jumped off a Victoria’s Secret runway. But in all seriousness, I’m not going to murder your ex-boyfriend I don’t care how well you decorate your request with imaginary confectioneries. Now if you really want something from someone how about actually buying them ice cream with sprinkles? How bad do you want this? If you really want something you’ll make the ice cream and sprinkles a reality rather than an abstract modification of words. Stop wasting your time adding verbal fixins to your requests and start purchasing actual frozen dairy desserts.

Never ask a diabetic for something with a sprinkled covered please.