Ask McFartnuggets “Should We Get Our Baby Girl Circumcised?”

I really hope you're joking.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

So I’m 5 months pregnant with our first baby girl. My husband and I have already decided on a name, Annabelle, but we haven’t yet decided on whether or not to get her circumcised. I know it’s a big controversy. Some people don’t like the way it looks, but medical studies say that circumcision lowers the risk of getting STDs including HIV and even some cancers. We’re torn on this and we’d love some help to cut through the bullshit and give us some advice on this. Should we get our daughter circumcised or not? -- Dolly from Salem, Oregon

Dear Dolly:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHH!!! You FOOL! Circumcising babies is only for males. Circumcising a female baby is considered “genital mutilation” and is a crime in most of the western world. There are basically no medical benefits to female circumcision and it will basically only ruin your daughter’s life. Don’t do it. Just don’t freaking do it. You got me? DON’T DO IT!

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Ask McFartnuggets: "At What Age is it Okay to Start Shaking Children?

You don't shake babies.
You just DON'T.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

We all know it's not okay to shake babies because it leads to shaken baby syndrome. My question is when does shaken baby syndrome stop? At what age is it okay to start shaking Children? -- Noelle from Mobile, Alabama

Dear Noelle:

Of course there is no good age to start shaking children. You probably shouldn't even shake adults, it's just that shaking children is even more devastating because their brains aren't fully formed yet and shaking causes a lot of permanent damage. That being said, I think they define Shaken Baby Syndrome as shaking any child under 3-years-old, but please don't shake any children regardless of their age. It's just wrong and you will get into a lot of trouble.

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