Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Wrong To Pee In A Public Pool?”

Headfirst into a diluted vat
of piss and he don't even
know it.

Dear McFartnuggets: 

When I go swimming at the public pool I always pee in there because it’s too much of a hassle to get out of the water and go over to a bush. People tell me it’s wrong to go in the pool, is it wrong? I have no STDs as far as I know and the pool water is full of chlorine so what’s the big deal? -- Emma from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

Dear Emma:

I know urine is sterile and there’s chlorine in the pool, but you have to realize that a public swimming pool is basically like a giant bathtub. Whenever you get in that pool you’re basically taking a giant bath with a bunch of strangers. Now would you want someone peeing in the bath with you? Maybe, if that’s your thing, look I’m not judging here, but a lot of people don’t want that. I can see both sides to the argument here because you can’t take a bath with that many strangers to begin with and then turn around and call someone gross for peeing. However, if you’re going to play along with the whole idea that bathing with dozens of strangers is clean then peeing is something that crosses the line. We all know pooping is bad so peeing is in that middle ground.

If you have a question or need some advice send an email to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

The Top 5 Things You Should Never Do In A Public Shower

Try not to bring kids if you can
help it.

When you find yourself in a public shower situation it’s important to remember you’re not in your shower at home. That means you may have to modify some of your “normal” showertime behaviors in order to avoid an awkward naked situation around a bunch of strangers. Here are the top five things you should never do in a public shower even though maybe you do them at home:

5. Sing

Singing in the shower is one of man’s most popular pastimes. Unfortunately it tends to disturb other people when you’re all sharing the same shower. You’d be amazed at how much you DON’T sound like you think you sound.

4. Eat

You know how you eat breakfast in the shower to save time when getting ready in the morning? Yeah well forget that in a public shower. Oh and the five second rule doesn’t apply to an Egg McMuffin you accidentally dropped on the gym shower drain.

3. Cry

Crying in the shower is great because it’s like your tears can melt away in a river of tears coming from the showerhead. It’s the ultimate moisture experience. Sadly, when you cry in a public shower people get really freaked out and can’t stop talking about you behind your back.

2. Breakdance

We all know that when you lather your bathtub with soap you can have countless hours of fun breakdancing in there and spinning around like crazy. However, doing the same thing in a public shower isn’t as much fun because usually you’ll knock into someone and they’ll kick your ass.

And the number one thing you should never do in a public shower is…

1. Stare at people and urinate

If you have a window by your shower at home then you know how much fun it is to stare at people on the sidewalk while urinating in the shower. Science doesn’t yet fully understand why this feels so good, it just does. On the other hand, locking eyes with someone in a public shower while peeing is usually immediate grounds for expulsion from Lucille Roberts.

Public showers are an awful place for a staring contest.

Maybe some people are wondering where defecation and masturbation are on this list. I run a family blog here. Please think more highly of me than that!