Dumb Product Names: “Emergen-C”

Emergen-C is a powdered vitamin C supplement owned by Pfizer and it has one of the worst names for a product. Yes it is a nice little pun, but it’s a complete mislabeling of the product. You don’t take this shit in an emergency. If you’re having a medical emergency you need to call 9-1-1. No one ever calls 9-1-1 and is told to “Take vitamin C.” I can’t believe they get away with this. Now you might be thinking “Well any idiot knows it’s not meant for real emergencies.” People have sued Kellogg’s for not having real fruit in their Froot Loops cereal. You might say “Well good, let morons die. That’s natural selection!” Hey, I care about stupid people. They’re people just like you and me. It’s the job of the educated to care for the morons and naming some vitamin supplement “Emergen-C” is just misleading. Why not have a vitamin D supplement named “D-Fribrillator” or a vitamin E supplement called “E-rection.” Those names are just as valid as “Emergen-C” except you’d have to be a complete idiot to think taking vitamin D would help you during a heart attack. On the other hand, it’s not out of the question to think vitamin C can substitute for a doctor. There have been studies that large doses of vitamin C can actually fight AIDS. People need to avoid overhyping vitamin C because it could cost lives and Emergen-C is at the forefront of that.

QUICK! SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN AN ORANGE!

Emergen-C's Slogan is "Feel The Good"

The Vitamin C supplement known as Emergen-C has a tagline that goes "Feel the good". Who the hell wrote this? Borat? Whatever happened to talking with proper grammar? What the hell is going on with the world today? I mean what good is vitamin C if your brain is made of mouse droppings? I think what they meant to say was either "Feel good" or "Feel the goodness of Emergen-C", but they settled on something in between that sounds like something a Serbian mistress would say as you entered a filthy cathouse. It sounds a little too much like the line from the Adam Sandler movie "Little Nicky" where the son of Satan finally learns how to make people feel the good and gives demons Popeye's chicken. I think we're all getting a little too lax with how we handle speech these days and Emergen-C's silly sales slogan is just a minor yet irritating example of that.