Dumbass Sayings: “Gag Reel”

Sometimes you see DVDs advertising a “bonus gag reel” then you buy the thing because you think you’re going to see Emma Stone giving blow jobs. Well aren’t you disappointed when you click the button in the menu and just shows a bunch of BLOOPERS. Yeah that’s right, “gag reel” is just another term for “bloopers” or even “outtakes.” This term needs to go away. It’s misleading, outdated, and just plain inaccurate. Of course people hear “gag” especially when an actress is concerned and the first thing they think is subconsciously dirty. This has to be why they keep using the term. There’s no other reason for calling it a gag reel. There are no reels anymore. If the “gag reel” came packaged separately in a circular metal case that you pop into a projector then fine I’d say you could call that “gag reel,” but there are no more reels being used for home viewing. Just say “outtakes.” Everyone knows what an outtake is. Why don’t they just say outtakes? Because it just doesn’t sound as enticing as a “gag reel” even though it is because no one’s gagging. The only movies that should have a gag reel are movies like “Deep Throat” in that case I can see how that’s suitable.

No, not that kind of gag.

Dumb Product Names: “Emergen-C”

Emergen-C is a powdered vitamin C supplement owned by Pfizer and it has one of the worst names for a product. Yes it is a nice little pun, but it’s a complete mislabeling of the product. You don’t take this shit in an emergency. If you’re having a medical emergency you need to call 9-1-1. No one ever calls 9-1-1 and is told to “Take vitamin C.” I can’t believe they get away with this. Now you might be thinking “Well any idiot knows it’s not meant for real emergencies.” People have sued Kellogg’s for not having real fruit in their Froot Loops cereal. You might say “Well good, let morons die. That’s natural selection!” Hey, I care about stupid people. They’re people just like you and me. It’s the job of the educated to care for the morons and naming some vitamin supplement “Emergen-C” is just misleading. Why not have a vitamin D supplement named “D-Fribrillator” or a vitamin E supplement called “E-rection.” Those names are just as valid as “Emergen-C” except you’d have to be a complete idiot to think taking vitamin D would help you during a heart attack. On the other hand, it’s not out of the question to think vitamin C can substitute for a doctor. There have been studies that large doses of vitamin C can actually fight AIDS. People need to avoid overhyping vitamin C because it could cost lives and Emergen-C is at the forefront of that.

QUICK! SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN AN ORANGE!