Stupid Sayings: "Never Mix Business with Pleasure"

Whenever I'm smiling at work, this guy Eddie will come up and say "Don't mix business with pleasure!" and then I start frowning and feel sad. I don't understand this rule. I hear people always talking about finding something they have passion for and love doing for a living, but if you're not supposed to mix pleasure and business, how is that even possible? That rule means everyone has to be miserable at their workplace and I think that's wrong!

What if you're the owner of a adult sex toy store or something? Then you're already mixing business and pleasure before you even open the damn door. And if you're a prostitute you have to mix business in pleasure because if there's no pleasure there's no business! Who even made this phrase up? What a foolish rule it is! You should ALWAYS mix business and pleasure. The new saying should be "Always be in the business of pleasure!" That's what I've started saying to people at work lately. Sure they give me a weird look, but people probably gave Benjamin Franklin a lot of weird looks when he ran around talking about bifocals and making turkeys the national bird.

Dumbass Sayings: "Don't Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight"

I'm sure you've heard the saying "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight". The saying itself makes sense, but how the saying got famous doesn't make sense. I think a better replacement for this saying would be “Bring a bazooka to a gun fight" because there’s a lot of shit you SHOULDN'T bring to a gun fight, why single out knives?

Here are some other things you shouldn’t bring to a gun fight: A bowling pin, birds, umbrella, crazy straws, fetus in a jar, blueprints to a new sports arena, pistachios, the "Friends" DVD box set, Fun Dip, homemade porno, a basket of fresh strawberries, your grandmother’s underpants, a personal enjoyment item, etc. Actually bringing a personal enjoyment item might work as long as you also brought a hobo and a gun so you can shoot the guy while he’s distracted by a hobo waving a personal enjoyment item around.