Dumbass Sayings: “What Seems To Be The Problem, Officer?

Whenever you get pulled over wearing women’s underpants over your face with a blood alcohol level ten times the legal limit you usually say “What seems to be the problem, officer?” At least that’s what you think you just said. In reality you actually said something more like “What semen cement to the problem ossifer?” But with your half paralyzed tongue and all the drool in your mouth, it sounded more like “Whaaaaaaaa ossifaaaaaahhh!” At that point I think it’s more of a rhetorical question because it’s quite obvious what the problem is. Do you know how many times cops must hear this phrase? You need to mix it up sometimes. Instead of saying “What seems to be the problem officer?” say something like “Greetings and salutations, officer! This glorious evening finds in well health I trust!” or “I need to speak to my lawyer right now.” There’s no sense in patronizing the police. They know you’re going to try to be their friend and they see right through that. Just get right down to the business and cut the crap. It will make everyone’s lives a lot easier.

It's important to be original, but don't get too exciting.

Dumbass Sayings: “WOO!”

Woooo! We are so wasted
bros! WOOOOO!!!

When people are clapping, the default noise to make with your voice is “Woo!” for some reason. Whenever people need to make more noise to add to their clapping “Woo! is always the go-to exclamation. Why? “Woo!” is a nonsensical term. If anything it’s an Asian surname. If you’re at a birthday party for the girl who starred in Nickelodeon’s show “The Mystery Files of Shelby Wu” then I would suppose yelling “Wu!” is okay even though the woman’s name is probably not Wu. That might actually even be considered racist if it wasn’t the name of her character.

Why do people always go with “Woo!”? Mix it up! Instead of yelling “Woo!” try yelling “YAAAAAHHH!!!” or “HEEEEGAHHH!!!” What’s stopping you from trying that? “Woo” has become so commonplace it goes hand in hand with whistling and clapping. It’s lost its power. Yelling and hollering in addition to clapping should have a big impact. “Woo!” used to work, but now it just fades into the clapping and whistling. You need to yell something that stands out and makes the person you’re clapping for feel special so maybe next time instead of yelling “Woo!” while applauding you’ll yell “SHAAAHEEEEEEE HEEEEE!!!”