Whenever you get pulled over wearing women’s underpants over your face with a blood alcohol level ten times the legal limit you usually say “What seems to be the problem, officer?” At least that’s what you think you just said. In reality you actually said something more like “What semen cement to the problem ossifer?” But with your half paralyzed tongue and all the drool in your mouth, it sounded more like “Whaaaaaaaa ossifaaaaaahhh!” At that point I think it’s more of a rhetorical question because it’s quite obvious what the problem is. Do you know how many times cops must hear this phrase? You need to mix it up sometimes. Instead of saying “What seems to be the problem officer?” say something like “Greetings and salutations, officer! This glorious evening finds in well health I trust!” or “I need to speak to my lawyer right now.” There’s no sense in patronizing the police. They know you’re going to try to be their friend and they see right through that. Just get right down to the business and cut the crap. It will make everyone’s lives a lot easier.
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