Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do People People Sound So Disgusting When They Eat?"

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Have you ever been in a quiet room with someone else while they're eating? Why does it sound so weird? Eating food is such a natural and universal activity so why would the sound of it be so disturbing? I seriously can't even concentrate when someone in a quiet room is eating. It's so distracting and gross. The sound of the food squishing in the mouth and the mouth juices and chewing. It's just awful. Why are humans like this? -- Nicholas from Lexington, Kentucky

Dear Nicholas:
The human body is a strange, disgusting machine. When you think about it, most of the sounds it makes are disturbing and difficult to ignore. It's hard to ignore a fart or a burp or someone's stomach rumbling. The whole reason we're not used to these sounds is there's usually something in the background of life making noise to mask our body sounds. In human history there was always a campfire or wind howling while people ate. In today's world we can be isolated with each other in buildings and soundproof rooms so having to deal with people's eating sounds is a relatively new issue for humans to contend with. Fortunately most people have portable music these days so it should never be a huge problem. Just put your Walkman on or whatever the hell you kids are doing these days with your confangled music devices.

The sound of eating is just narrowly better than the sound of food on its way out.

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