|"Hey this would make a good movie!"|
"No. No, it wouldn't..."
With “Quija” coming to theaters soon, it’s just the newest board game being brought to life on the silver screen. We’ve already seen “Clue” and “Battleship” and movies about “Hungry Hungry Hippos” and “Monopoly” are currently in the works, which begs the question “When will they stop with this bullshit?” If history has shown us anything it’s that the only good movies about board games involve board games that didn’t actually exist like “Jumanji.” If Hollywood keeps adapting board games into movies, here are the top 10 you’re going to want to avoid:
With the popularity of “Words with Friends” you’d think a Scrabble movie could be in the works. This would be incredibly boring, but the benefit is maybe it could help enhance the vocabulary of the average American.
9. Crocodile Dentist
This was a game where you pull teeth out of a crocodile’s mouth. I think the only chance of seeing this as a movie died along with Steve Irwin in 2006.
A fun game, but the pieces basically look like tiny butt plugs so that’s a no go.
7. Chutes & Ladders
This was based off a very old board game called “Snakes & Ladders” which only sounds like a slightly more interesting plot premise. When you remove the snakes there’s really no fun to be had.
This is an American adaptation of a classic Indian board game which if made into a movie would probably be one of the first times America has stolen a movie idea from India instead of the other way around.
Yahtzee could be made into an interesting movie, the biggest question is do we have an actor out there talented enough to portray The Cup? The answer is no.
4. Chinese Checkers
Checkers is one of the most popular board games ever made along with Chess and Don’t Wake Daddy. You simply cannot adapt these into movies. And the fact that it’s Chinese Checkers gives it even less of a chance unless Jackie Chan is starring in it.
3. Trivial Pursuit
While this sounds like a descriptor of most modern day movie plots, it still wouldn’t be a welcomed sight in theaters.
2. Connect Four
Explain to me how you would make this game into a movie. Now think about how stupid that sounds.
And the award for Worst Possible Board Game to Motion Picture Adaptation goes to…
The only people who are going to see this are people who mistakenly think it’s some kind of British porno. Boy will they be disappointed! Of course the actual porno adaptation of this would be called “Diddlywinks.”
|No, this isn't a scene from "Tyler Perry's: Monopoly."|