Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are People So Mad About The Patriots Deflating Balls?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
The New England Patriots playing with deflated footballs has become the biggest news story in America! I’m surprised we aren’t seeing people wearing shirts that say “Je Suis Deflated Balls.” How can this be the most enraging thing in the world to people in today’s world? I’m glad it is though because my husband heard all this stuff about “checking balls” and I guess subconsciously checked his own testicles and found a strange lump. We’re going to get it checked out tomorrow and hopefully it’s nothing, but if it is is something then hopefully we caught it early and this whole DeflateGate nonsense saved his life! So thanks Bill Belichick and Tom Brady! Thank you for tampering with the balls! -- Mary from Rosemont, Illinois

Dear Mary:
Wow. Well I guess that’s good for you then. That’s a nice benefit to this whole scandal. The NFL does a lot for breast cancer awareness so for those working at testicular cancer awareness this could be a blessing in disguise. That being said, it is cheating. No one knows how long the Patriots have been doing this. It basically means that Tom Brady and BIll Belicheck were cheating and knew it which has to tarnish their great legacies. This is really our Muhammad cartoons. This is the silly thing Americans get riled up about. Thankfully we don’t kill anyone over it, yet.

Balls are like tires, you need to check them every once in awhile to avert disaster.

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