Ask McFartnuggets: "Is Throwing A Snowball Considered Assault?"

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Last night a group of local hoodlums were throwing snowballs at people walking on the sidewalk and they hit one old lady in the face and ran away. I was tempted to call the cops, but the woman claimed to be okay. Is that technically an assault felony? Would I have been right to call the cops and would the cops have arrested the kids? I'm talking about preteens here. I just felt it would be dumb to bring the police into it even though it was a situation that might warrant their intervention maybe. -- Carlos from Ronkonkoma, New York

Dear Carlos:
Yes technically that is assault. Throwing anything at someone is illegal. Snowball fights are like sex, they can be fun provided both parties are willing. If one is not then things can get messy. Now whether or not they would be arrested probably depends on how they interact with the officer when he or she arrives. If they don't seem like real threats then you might be the one who looks like an asshole, but if they become enraged and defensive then who knows, it may even lead to a "justifiable homicide" if things get out of control. You can never tell these days so you have to keep that in mind when questioning if you should call the cops or not.

Drop the ball, jackass!

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