Ask McFartnuggets: "How Can I Play Footsie With Someone Who Has No Legs?"

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I recently began dating a woman who has no legs. She had them amputated as a baby due to some birth defect complications. I honestly don't even notice the legs are gone except one of my favorite things to do when I'm dating is play footsie at the dinner table. That's the one thing I've been struggling with in this relationship. Aside from that she's perfect in every way. Do you have any ideas? -- Keith from Baltimore, Maryland

Dear Keith:
That's a good question. You might have me stumped on this one. I would imagine you've already tried slouching down in the chair so you're basically laying on your back on the chair so your legs can reach full extension to reach your foot to her stump. If you're sitting side by side I would just try to switch to playing "stumpsie" and rub your leg against what there is of hers. Either that or try "handsie." I know that may not be the same thing, but hey sometimes you need to improvise.

Phantom limb footsie might be possible.

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