Ask McFartnuggets: “Are The Golden Globes Oscar’s Testicles?”

Dear McFartnuggets:
I’ve noticed that the Oscar statue from the Academy Awards has no balls or any sort of genitalia. The Golden Globes are almost as important as the Oscars, but not quite as important. Is it possible that the Golden Globes are actually an allusion to the testicles of Oscar the Academy Awards statue? Usually younger actors have a chance at winning a Golden Globe where they wouldn’t have a chance to win an Oscar so do the Golden Globes represent youth, opportunity, and promise in the sperm of the golden balls of Oscar? -- Wallace from Boise, Idaho

Dear Wallace:
I don’t believe that’s the intention. While you do make an interesting point, the fact is the actual award given to the actors is a single globe. “Golden Globes” merely refers to the fact that there are several awards given out. Now if each individual award state featured two golden globes set next to each other not even in any sort of nutsack-like pouch I might be able to agree with you. Fortunately, that’s not the case so I can’t. And if the Golden Globes were Oscar's balls what would that make the Daytime Emmys? Oscar's anal discharge?

Turn your world and cough.

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