The Top Five Alternatives To “Making It Rain” In A Strip Club

Making it rain is officially
old hat.

“Making it rain” in a club means throwing stacks of cash into the air at hos. Everyone knows that these days, it’s old news. There are other alternatives to “Making it rain” that you can do to be “Fresh” and “Hip.” If you want to be a trendsetter rather than a trend follower you might want to try these other ways to “Make it (insert weather phenomenon)” in the club:

5. “Making it fog”

If you can’t make it rain in a club you can always “Make it fog” aka fart. This isn’t a good thing to do, but usually in a strip club the lights are low and it smells like cigarette smoke so no one will notice anyway.

4. ”Making it drizzle”

If you want to make it rain, but you’re on a tight budget you can always “Make it drizzle.” This involves taking maybe five to seven dollars in ones and tossing those into the air over a stripper.

3. “Making it sleet”

If you want to make it sleet basically what you do is you take dollar bills and sacajawea coin dollars and throw them into the air together that way there’s a mix of paper and metal. It’s combines the fun of “Making it hail” with the safety of rain because the bills will cushion the fall of the coins on the stripper’s heads which leads to less discomfort.

2. “Making it tornado”

Now here’s a fun one. It’s generally reserved for people who are very rich and very drunk. Basically how you “Make it tornado” is you take two fistfulls of money, jump up onto the stage and start spinning around letting the cash go little by little as you’re spinning so it creates a vortex of dolla dolla bills, yo.

And the number one alternative to making it rain in the club is…

1. “Making it flood”

Now you have to be very wealthy to “Make it flood: in the club, but if you can pull this off you’ll be as infamous as Hurricane Katrina or Superstorm Sandy. It’s pretty self explanatory. “Making it flood” entails dropping so much cash from the sky that it begins to accumulate in inches on the floor. You need to throw so much cash into the air that people can’t walk around without kicking money and the club has to call FEMA to help dig them out.

3 Easy Ways to Get Strippers to Notice You at the Club

Plan everything out in the parking lot first.

If you're like me then whenever you visit the local strip club all the ladies ignore you and pretend like you don't exist, despite the fact that you visit several times a week. It hurts. In fact I'd probably be a lot more broken up about it if it wasn't for all the boobs. Still, there are ways I've found to get the attention of strippers without having to scream like a maniac or brandish a firearm, or both. Here are some tips that you might want to try when Peaches and Sinthia are treating you like the Invisible Man:

1). Make wide gestures with your arms and flail around a lot. By making large swooping arm movements when you're talking you will eventually catch the eye of a stripper. They might even start talking about you to each other like "Do you see that psycho spazzing out over there? Maybe he'll make it rain by accident."

2). Go to the strip club dressed like a stripper. Wear high heeled women's shoes, a bra, and a thong and go in asking for a job application. Usually this will get the strippers to laugh which is great because usually their day-to-day life isn't full of as many chuckles as you might guess. If you make them laugh, they will remember you. Just make sure to play it loose, don't go all Daniel Day-Lewis and really act like you want to be a stripper otherwise you might start creeping everyone out.

3). My favorite signature move to get noticed at a strip club is to make dollar bill origami. Nothing makes a stripper do a double take like seeing a man putting an origami dollar bill swan or bull character into their cleavage, butt, or vulva.

Nothing leaves a lasting impression like a dollar elephant in the ol' HOOHAH

Those are the best three ways I've found to get strippers to notice you. You might think using a laser pointer would work because that gets the attention of cats, but cats and strippers are two totally different things. When they say "Feed the kitty" that's not what they're talking about. Plus, using a laser pointer can get you banned from the club for life so that's no good. Another one I haven't tried yet is going in dressed in a chicken costume, but I figure it's not worth it since visibility might be an issue not to mention reduced genital sensitivity.