3 Easy Ways to Get Strippers to Notice You at the Club

Plan everything out in the parking lot first.

If you're like me then whenever you visit the local strip club all the ladies ignore you and pretend like you don't exist, despite the fact that you visit several times a week. It hurts. In fact I'd probably be a lot more broken up about it if it wasn't for all the boobs. Still, there are ways I've found to get the attention of strippers without having to scream like a maniac or brandish a firearm, or both. Here are some tips that you might want to try when Peaches and Sinthia are treating you like the Invisible Man:

1). Make wide gestures with your arms and flail around a lot. By making large swooping arm movements when you're talking you will eventually catch the eye of a stripper. They might even start talking about you to each other like "Do you see that psycho spazzing out over there? Maybe he'll make it rain by accident."

2). Go to the strip club dressed like a stripper. Wear high heeled women's shoes, a bra, and a thong and go in asking for a job application. Usually this will get the strippers to laugh which is great because usually their day-to-day life isn't full of as many chuckles as you might guess. If you make them laugh, they will remember you. Just make sure to play it loose, don't go all Daniel Day-Lewis and really act like you want to be a stripper otherwise you might start creeping everyone out.

3). My favorite signature move to get noticed at a strip club is to make dollar bill origami. Nothing makes a stripper do a double take like seeing a man putting an origami dollar bill swan or bull character into their cleavage, butt, or vulva.

Nothing leaves a lasting impression like a dollar elephant in the ol' HOOHAH

Those are the best three ways I've found to get strippers to notice you. You might think using a laser pointer would work because that gets the attention of cats, but cats and strippers are two totally different things. When they say "Feed the kitty" that's not what they're talking about. Plus, using a laser pointer can get you banned from the club for life so that's no good. Another one I haven't tried yet is going in dressed in a chicken costume, but I figure it's not worth it since visibility might be an issue not to mention reduced genital sensitivity.