Ask McFartnuggets: "What's the Big Deal About Global Warming?" and "Vagina Pills?"

Dear McFartnuggets: I hear a lot about how the planet is the warmest it's been in ten thousand years or whatever, but who really cares? It's hot in Africa, but do those people complain about it? It's all relative isn't it? I mean all we gotta do is get used to how warm it's gonna be. No big deal! You wanna know how to stay cool when it gets super hot out? Just stick ice cubes up your ass. It's basically impossible to feel warm when there's an ice cube in your butthole. If you don't trust, try it this summer and see! Why don't people just do this? -- Richard Pullman from Arizona

Dear Richard: You might be onto something there with the ass cubes, but you have to realize that not everyone is comfortable with that. Plus, there's a very good chance that one day we are going to be experiencing a water shortage and increasing temperatures will cause everyone to start consuming more water. Even if ice cubes up the anus takes off as the next Gangham Style/Harlem Shake craze, that's even MORE water being used. Soon enough you'll have a pretty hard time getting your hands on a cool drink of water let alone butt ice! You might be right, I respect your views. You're clearly a very ingeniuitive person with the ice cubes up the ass trick and while I may not try that exact move I definitely will be rubbing ice cubes on my nipples that's for damn sure.


Dear McFartnuggets: I keep getting these emails offering me free penile enlargement pills, but I'm a woman! I don't want a bigger penis I want a bigger vagina! Why aren't there any vagina enlargement pills? I go to GNC and ask and you should see the looks on their faces before they ask me to leave! -- Wendisha from Jacksonville

Dear Wendy: Sorry, I'll stop sending those emails. To answer your question, there isn't a big enough market out there for vaginal supplements. For some reason women are more concerned with bigger breasts than vaginas. The days of a giant vagina being desired are long gone, that was way back in the 1920's when life in America was all screwed up. Considering that, we might see a return to those times soon. The key is a larger vagina allows for more babies to come out, which is important when society has collapsed and we're all living in a war zone fighting amidst martial law to continue the human species so stay strong, Wendisha. You may soon get your wish!

Cinnamon Mentos make your vagina bigger.

Send your question to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and I'll try to answer it as soon as I can!