k McFartnuggets: "Someone's Cheating on My Wife" and "My Blind Friend Has Creepy Eyes"

Dear McFartnuggets: My wife came home last night bawling her eyes out acting hysterical. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her with another woman. I couldn't believe it. How could someone do this to my wife?! I'm so angry I don't know what to do. I want to find this guy and beat the living crap out of him for hurting her, but at the same time I'm a little upset that my wife was cheating on me with this guy. I'm very confused. What should I do? -- Glen from Idaho

Dear Glen: Yeah that sounds pretty confusing. Personally, I wouldn't do anything at all. This is the best possible thing that could have happened to the both of you. Now she knows what it's like to be cheated on and maybe now she can understand the type of pain she's put you through this whole time by having a second relationship. It's funny how things always seem to balance out like that. Hopefully in the end you'll find that this horrible event only brings you and your wife closer together. Or at the very least, she'll find a new boyfriend and you can just go back to how things were before she was betrayed. Either way I'm sure everything will turn out just fine.


Dear McFartnuggets: So my best friend went blind recently after an accident with fireworks and his eyes are getting weird looking. They've turned blue and it seems like every day they start drifting farther and farther off from center. I don't know how to tell him this without hurting his feelings. How should I deal with this? I feel guilty because he's a good friend and most of the time I'm able to not even notice the eyes, but it's pretty bad. It's bothering me and I don't know if it's just a problem with me that I need to get over. Should I even do anything? -- Alex Cuntingham from Vermont

Dear Alex: That is a tough situation to be in. I think you should avoid mentioning it so your friend doesn't feel embarrassed. Instead you could try buying him some really nice sunglasses for his birthday and hope he wears them a lot. I mean technically they don't have to be nice at all, since he can't see them, but it'd be nice to get him a classy looking pair to improve his appearance to others. Then because they were an expensive gift, he'll most likely feel obligated to wear them at least around you to show you he appreciates the gift. That's really the best way to go about this situation.

It'd be best to get him mirrored sunglasses so you can use them as a mirror for yourself when you're outside.

Direct your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and hopefully I'll be able to answer them here soon.