Ask McFartnuggets: "My Son Wants to Be a Dolphin" and "Can Pistorius Use the Stand Your Ground Defense?"

Your son can always join the military!

Dear McFartnuggets: I recently introduced my 10-year-old son to the show "Flipper" which was one of my favorite shows growing up. Now I'm sort of regretting I did that because he says he wants to be a dolphin when he grows up. He keeps mimicking the clicking sounds that dolphins make and mimicking dolphin gestures and movements. He's even started eating more sea food. His favorite meal went from french fries to now tuna straight out of the can. I know kids act weird like this, but this is getting to be a bit much. How can I get him to stop? -- Ervina from Lincoln, Nebraska

Dear Ervina: I wouldn't be worried about it. Most kids go through a phase where they emulate animals and other non-human mammals. For me, it was a monkey and rooster. Oh boy did I think I was a monkey. I threw so much of my own feces around and masturbated wherever I wanted for YEARS. But a few weeks ago I took a long, cold, hard look in the mirror and realized this isn't who I want to be anymore. I'm a human, not a monkey or a pheasant. Your son will most likely get over it. As long as it's not adversely affecting his social life and school performance I wouldn't worry about it. Fortunately for you, dolphins are incredibly talented and social creatures so even if your son keeps this dolphin act up, he should be fine. You might see some weird things like his yearbook quote saying "Eee eeee eeee eee eeee eeee eeeee!" or him raising money for a blowhole surgery on Kickstarter, but none of this is actually all that bad. You'll get over it!


Dear McFartnuggets: I was wondering, can Oscar Pistorious use the famous "Stand Your Ground" law in his legal defense for shooting his girlfriend to death despite the fact that he has no legs? Is the law about literally standing or could someone with no legs or even a person in a wheelchair still stand their ground even though they're not standing? -- Trisha from Chowder Lip, Florida

Dear Trisha: I don't believe Pistorius can use the "Stand Your Ground" defense considering the killing happened in South Africa, not America so they don't operate under te same rules necessarily. For the sake of argument, if Pistorius was American and shot his girlfriend in Florida, he probably would have been able to use the SYG defense because at the time of the shooting he did have his artificial legs on. That was a major point that people made when discussing the case. He heard a commotion and decided to put his legs on before checking to see what the noise was. Had he not had his legs on he would not have been "standing" his ground so he would have lost that defense. Maybe he is planning to use that defense in the trial and we find out that's the motivation for putting the legs on. Who knows? It's a very tricky situation right now and all we can do is wait to learn more.

Pistorius was defending his bathroom. Does that count as defending his castle? There is a throne inside.

Send your question to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and keep an eye on what your kids are watching on TV!