Ask McFartnuggets: "Cousin Wants to Borrow Money for Sex Change Op?" and "Is Daylight Savings Stupid?"

Dear McFartnuggets: My cousin Ralph is getting married next year in April and instead of a gift registry he's having a collection pool for a sex change operation. The way it works is different people can sponsor different parts of the surgery (left nut, right nut, etc.) To be honest, I'm kind of weirded out by this and I wish I could just buy him and his partner a Cuisinart or a George Foreman grill, not help to get rid of his genitals. Everyone else in the family seems to be really supportive about it on Facebook, but I've talked to a few other cousins and they're not so sure either. What do you think? -- Winnie in Dallas

Dear Winnie: I can understand your apprehension about participating in this type of thing, but it's becoming very common. There's even a thing where people can do this with the new Dodge Dart and people pay for individual parts of the car as a gift. Frankly, I don't see why it's such a big deal. If you don't want to make a huge contribution you can just fund a portion of the Labia Minora or something, you don't have to go all in on this and pay for the inversion of the wiener or anything major. In the end, your cousin Ralph will be a happier person and you'll have helped shim get that way and you should be happy about that, I guess...

Dear McFartnuggets: As much fun as it is to get an extra hour of sleep, it's not worth having to lose one because gaining an hour only helps during that one day, but losing an hour can fuck you up for a whole month. I don't know why this is still a continued practice. They shouldn't even call it daylight savings, they should call it nightlight wastings, am I right? -- Debra from Urethra, Kansas

Dear Debra: Clearly you aren't looking at this from the perspective of farmers. Didn't you see the Super Bowl commercial about farmers? America's foundation is built on the sacrifices of farmers and the agriculture industry in this country is suffering. I'm all for whatever can help them and so too should you be! Sure we all make a sacrifice on daylight savings time, but it has to be done. Don't you think I'd prefer some more night too? Nothing's more awkward than masturbating in broad daylight, but that's a sacrifice I make for the farmers of this great land and I'm proud to do it!

Are you going to tell this woman Daylight Savings is stupid to his face? I didn't think so.
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