Ask McFartnuggets: "Am I Too Old For My Girlfriend?" and "How Much Fecal Waste Are You Carrying Around?"

Dear McFartnuggets: I'm 87 years young and still going strong, but one thing that does make me feel old is when peons in public stare at me while I'm with my girlfriend. She's 23-years-old and I've had some people actually come right up to me and tell me I'm too old to be dating her. I have always been attracted to women in their 20's, why should the fact that I'm now into my 80's change that? Do people actually expect me to be turned on by other old people? Maybe that's possible for other people, but not for me! Who do these people think they are to interject themselves in my love life? Why does this bother people so much? -- Nadine in Topeka, Kansas

Dear Nadine: Some people are just stupid. They see something that doesn't conform to the image of average and their brains think something's wrong so they feel the need to do something about it. I'd also imagine they're not used to seeing a young woman with such and older woman. I'm sure you've experienced your fair share of stares just for being a lesbian, but when there's such a contrast in age people might be thinking you're making out with your grand daughter or even great granddaughter depending on what state you're in at the time. People are always going to be ignorant around things they don't see very often so you have to just forget that and focus on your girlfriend and pleasuring her to the best of your ability. Thanks for the question, Nadine.

Dear McFartnuggets: I was at the doctor for for my monthly check-up when he told me I was carrying around 5-7 pounds of fecal waste. Does this seem like an average amount? How much fecal waste do you carry around? -- Isabella from Klingsbury, Georgia

Dear Isabella: I try to not carry any fecal waste around with me unless I'm bringing a stool sample to the doctor in which case that's around one or two ounces TOPS. I know some people have colostomy bags that can hold about a liter of feces if not more. A liter of water weighs 1 kilo or 2.205 pounds, so a liter of poop has to be way more than that, but since everyone's poop is different at different times I would say anywhere between 2 to 10 pounds is normal. However, I recommend against carrying around poop if you can help it, it's just socially off putting to have a bag of shit with you at all times.

If you're going to carry fecal waste around, at least use a proper Ostomy Bag
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