5). When popular "emo" rock bands like "My Chemical Romance" break up... Invest in Bic, Gillette, and any other major razor brands. You know the fans aren't going to take the news well and since most of them will be hyper sensitive teenagers, they might not actually do anything with the razors, but they will purchase them if for no other reason than attention.
4). If the obesity trend in America continues... Invest in funeral homes and services. Because coffins and urns will be growing in size the materials will become more expensive and because it's a mandatory cost everyone has to pay it's going to be a veritable gold mine.
3). If marijuana is legalized all across America... Invest heavily in Frito-Lay, bean bag chair factories, and Bob Marley merchandise. Also, sell any stock you might have in companies that do things that require a lot of effort and concentration as they shall crumble.
2). If gay marriage is legalized everywhere... Sell all your stock in anal lubricant companies. If every gay person is allowed to get married you're going to see anal lube stocks PLUMMET because as we all know when you're married sex becomes incredibly rare thus annihilating the butt lube industry and leaving it in a state of unprecedented disrepair much like a prolapsed anus.
1). If Chris Christie becomes U.S. President... Invest in as many fast food, snack, and sugary beverage corporations as possible as well as any Diabetes related pharmaceutical companies. Chris Christie will most likely be the anti-Bloomberg when it comes to regulating foods and obesity in America so much like his waistline and the market bubbles of the past, this industry will expand exponentially and many fat cats will engorge themselves on the wealth produced by it.
|Deep fried animal intestines will be a booming hot commodity.|