How to Decorate Your Big St. Patrick's Day Party

Typical St. Patrick's Day

Saint Patrick's Day is right around the corner which means you're going to have to start decorating your place for a big Irish themed party. The decoration and party supply store Party City is really pushing hard with their new Lou Bega "Mambo Number 5" themed commercial to spread the word about St. Patty's Day. And what better way to do that than to use a 14-year-old Hispanic song? Look, I'm going to be honest with you, there's no point in purchasing decorations for a St. Patrick's Day party. The whole point of St. Patrick's Day is to get wasted and when you're completely fecesfaced drunk stumbling around assbackwards vomiting everywhere the LAST thing on your mind is decor.

There's just no sense in purchasing decorations for St. Patrick's Day because if you're going to spend money on party decorations you're also going to want to save them for next year like Christmas lights and tree ornaments. Well, on St. Patrick's Day you can't do that because everything will be coated in Hepatitis, semen, and barf. The only party supplies you'll need are loads of hard liquor and plastic sheeting. That's right, plastic sheeting. If you're hosting a St. Patrick's party at your place you're going to want to cover your entire home in plastic sheeting like "Dexter" before a kill that way when you're done you can just wrap it all up and throw it into a harbor because you are not going to want to touch anything.

Better yet, why not just be a normal person and celebrate St. Patrick's Day at a bowling alley, get drunk and vomit on the lane like I do? It's a lot of fun. The only trick is trying to remember which bowling alleys you're banned from. It's best to keep a log and mark down what place you're going to beforehand, then when you receive the court summons a few days later, make the notation for future reference.