Ask McFartnuggets: "Wearing Bra & Panties in Public vs. Bikini" and "My Grocery Store Butcher is Too Religious"

Dear McFartnuggets: I've always wondered how come it's socially okay to wear a bikini in public, but when you wear bra and panties in public it's all of a sudden not okay? Whenever I go out in a bikini people don't seem to mind, but when I go out in lingerie they get offended. All the same stuff is covered, I don't get it! -- Bob from Wisconsin

Dear Bob: Well, you see this typically applies to women. I'd imagine that when you're wearing a bikini out in public people see it as more of a joke and so that's way more acceptable than seeing a man walking around the park in Victoria's Secret. When it comes to women it really doesn't make much sense. They should be allowed to walk around in their bra and panties anywhere they do in a bikini, which means everywhere. The fact that there's a differential to people reveals a silly societal error that truly highlights how stupid people are. The conditions that decide what's acceptable and what's not are so specific that when you pull far back enough to look at the big picture, none of it really makes sense and you can see how much of an illusion it all is.


Dear McFartnuggets: I'm an atheist and when I go to the grocery store to get my cheese and lunch meats the butcher there always tries to talk to me about God and how great God is and how "God blessed us to have a wonderful day" and he sings weird Jesus songs while he's slicing up the meat and when I leave he says "God bless you and your family" and things like that. Look I don't have a problem with what he believes, but isn't there something in the constitution about a separation of church and steak? I thought that's the thing that stops butchers and other people like at Outback Steakhouse from being overly religious around customers. Am I wrong here? -- Lindsey from Vulve, Oregon

Dear Lindsey: I believe what you're referring to is the separation between church and STATE. Don't worry, that's a simple mistake to make. As far as I know there's no actual amendment or law in the constitution that declares a separation between church and "steak". That means this butcher has the right to be as religious as he wants. You might not agree with it, I might not agree with it, but the law doesn't dictate he needs to put a lid on it around the ham. The only thing I could suggest is to go to a less religious butcher if it bothers you so much or wear big headphones playing satanic death metal to block him out. That might bother him though, you don't want to piss off someone who butchers animals for a living.

Send your conundrums to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and wear bra and panties outside, who cares!