Ask McFartnuggets: "Is it Normal to Cry During Sex?" and "Is it Okay to Eat During Church?"

Dear McFartnuggets: Me and my girlfriend have been dating for around 5 months now and she mentioned to me how I've been crying during sex. I don't really notice it, maybe because I'm in the zone. I didn't believe her so we filmed it and after looking at the footage, I am clearly sobbing. It's weird because I don't recall that at all. I've heard about women crying AFTER sex, but for a man to be crying during sex, that sounds a little weird, no? I want to ask my wife what she thinks because she's a licensed psychiatrist, but I'm afraid that will lead to questions about my girlfriend and I definitely don't want that. -- Doug from Winnipeg

Dear Doug: Crying during sex is more common than you'd think. If you've gotten used to crying during masturbating like I have, then when you're with another person it's almost like a triggered Pavlovian instinct. That being said, it would seem that your crying is due to a less complicated psychological problem than mine. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that while you're engaged in intercourse with your girlfriend you're subconsciously feeling the guilt of cheating on your wife and that's what's causing the tears. Your brain knows deep down somewhere that what you're doing would hurt your wife in a way that you don't know how to react to and so while your body has pushed that emotion deep down it still reveals itself through tears. Subconsciously, you're trying to end the relationship with your girlfriend because most women get really creeped out when a guy is crying during sex all the time. So maybe it's all for the best, I'm not sure about the details of your personal life, but I wish you three the best and hope it all works out!


Dear McFartnuggets: I go to church every other week. I would go every week, but I get really hungry during the service and I have to leave to go get some snackaroonies. Last week I did bring in a bag of Lays with me and while I was eating people around me were giving me dirty looks. Am I doing something wrong here? I really want to start bringing in more substantial foods like maybe hot dogs or cheeseburgers with me to eat in the pews. What do ya think? -- Glen from Tuscaloosa

Dear Glen: I don't think eating in church is currently an acceptable behavior, but it should be. God made you hungry for a reason and you should be able to explore that no matter where you are. If people have a problem with it then tell them go screw themselves. Well maybe don't use those exact terms. I don't see the problem, as long as you're paying attention to the church stuff I can't see why anyone should have a problem with it, just make sure to wear a bib for the messier foods like lobster tail and barbecue ribs and keep the sound of you sucking and licking your fingers down as low as you can.

Just make sure you cook your meat before bringing it into a church. Otherwise you may be asked to leave.

Email your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and hopefully I'll be answering them here soon!