Ask McFartnuggets: "Good Ways to Challenge My Sphincter?" and "Can I Be Fired For Hitler Jokes at Work?"

Dear McFartnuggets: I'm really looking to challenge my sphincter this Spring to get it in good working shape for Summer when I plan on using it A LOT. What are some tips you could give me on getting a sphincter blasting workout this May? -- Regle from Peach Tree, Iowa

Dear Regle: There are a lot of sphincters out there, more than you can shake a stick at. I don't know which one you're referring to specifically so I'll just take the lower esophageal sphincter for example. One way you can challenge your "cardia" is by consuming a lot of spicy peppers because the purpose of the cardia is to cut off stomach acids in the stomach and prevent them from rushing back up through the esophagus. Good luck and happy sphinctering!

Dear McFartnuggets: I was recently let go from my server job at Denny's for making a joke about Hitler. I don't get it, it's been so long since Hitler, why are people still offended? They have all those videos online of Hitler pretending to be mad about Taylor Swift music videos and stuff, why is that so popular if people still get offended by Hitler jokes? All I did was say if Hitler's name was KISSler or HUGler maybe he wouldn't have been so violent, then I slapped my assistant manager on the butt. Is that really so bad? -- Wendy from Tumerick, Vermont

Dear Shecklemb: Actually I don't think you were fired for the Hitler joke as much as you were fired for slapping your manager on the ass. Even though you're a woman, sexual harassment at the workplace goes both ways. Now I don't know if your ass. manager was a man or woman or whatever, but not many people enjoy having their ass slapped at a Denny's. TGIFriday's maybe, but not Denny's. Denny's is a wholesome location where old people, babies, and the morbidly obese come to enjoy breakfast. You know, come to think of it, because people at Denny's are so damn old the Hitler joke might have been what did it. Perhaps one of the people there was a Holocaust survivor or was a friend or relative of someone who was and they complained. That just goes to show you, you can't joke about World War II around old people. Their brains may be deteriorating, but some memories never fade.

People don't want Hitler interrupting their delicious Halloween pancakes.
Send ya questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com and quit slapping people on the ass after launching a Hitler joke.

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