Ask McFartnuggets: "What Happens When an NFL Referee Needs to Poop?" and "How Does a Baby Survive in a Woman's Stomach?"

Dear McFartnuggets: I was wondering, what happens when an NFL referee has to go diarrhea in the middle of a game like the Super Bowl? What would he do? -- Mary Buttwhiskers from Toledo

Dear Mary: That's a very good question. I'm pretty sure they wear diapers or special suits underneath their referee costumes because you can't shit yourself in white pants on national TV and you can't call a bullcrap penalty to buy the time to run off and find a substitute ref. Even if you did manage to pause the game and get a substitute in, it's still a fairly substantial run to the locker rooms and you probably wouldn't make it. Meanwhile everyone would be laughing at you which would make it even worse as you were crapping on yourself at which point you could not return to the game and might even lose your whole job. No, I think they wear specially designed thin diapers or something. That would explain why so many calls are screwed up. The referees know better, but maybe they're worried about crapping themselves, or they've already got a diaper full of feces and just want the game to end so they can go clean up. Now you know when a coach yells "That call stinks!" they weren't kidding.


Dear McFartnuggets: I have three sons already, but I was wondering when a woman gets the man's willy goo in her and it makes a baby how can the baby survive in the woman's belly with all the food in there? -- Lawrence from Atlantic City

Dear Lawrence: Are you serious? A baby doesn't form in a woman's actual stomach! If that was the case the baby would be burned to death by the acids and then pooped out within a few days. Allow me to enlighten you on the subject. When a woman receives the man's "willy goo"... (by the way the proper term is "payload"), it travels into her vagina pocket where it mixes in and coagulates with the baby egg. When the mixture is complete, cells begin to form into a tiny microscopic baby who then starts to make a cocoon for itself in the vagina out of different proteins and dried blood. The cocoon it makes is called a "womb" and the baby proceeds to hang out in there until it starts growing eyes and all that stuff and one day when it can no longer pay the rent, the woman's body throws it out through the vagina door and hopefully into the arms of a happy stranger and not a toilet or backseat of a cab. Learn some science before you start having kids! Jeeezusss...

As you can see from this diagram, the baby is IN FRONT of the shit tubes.

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