What New York City Should Do to Get Rid of Subway Rats

The people who run the New York City subway system have tried countless different strategies to evacuate rats from the subways, but nothing has ever worked. They've tried getting rid of garbage cans, banning food, and even passing out birth control to the rats and they have not gained any ground. The real solution to this problem is something a little controversial. I have recommended they unleash anacondas into the New York City subway system.

Think about it, what's the ONE thing anacondas eat? Everything. And the last time I checked, everything included rats. There is no better predator than the giant snake and by having anacondas roaming the subway stations of New York City I think you'll see the rat and homeless problem virtually VANISH in mere months.

Now some opponents to this plan have cited the film "Anaconda", but I have to remind you that while very convincing, that film was a work of pure fiction. Anacondas are just like you and me, they're slimy, deadly bastards who hate rats. Some people say, "But Dr. McFartnuggets, wouldn't this plan result in the overpopulation of deadly anacondas in the subway system?" Uhh yeah, if the rats weren't toxic subway rats. But I defy any living creature to eat one of those things and live. We want rats gone from subways, they want dinner. It's a match made in heaven. Maybe one day those fools at the MTA listen to me, but until they do it'll just be one failure after another.